Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
