Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
