escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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