so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
