i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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