This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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