Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
