In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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