If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize