I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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