Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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