Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
