Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
