And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
