In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
