It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
