If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
