She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
