I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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