I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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