i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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