biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
