Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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