yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize