Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
