i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize