So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
