No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
