i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
