we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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