So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Buhtt sex?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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