a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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