I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
