I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
