from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
