Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
40s are totally the cure
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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