these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
