Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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