Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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