ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
