i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I had to cum in my sink.
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