peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
