Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
