I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
