Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
