Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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