Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I understand Curling. That high.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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