I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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