Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
