I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
