Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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