At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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