so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Randomize
