i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
