I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
