I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
