Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
