Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
