A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize