stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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