she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
