How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
