i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So squirting runs in the family.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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