Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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