I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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