just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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